5 Funny Kid Jokes

A small boy is sent to bed by his father.

Five minutes later: "Da-ad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out!"

Five minutes later: "Da-aaad..."

"What??"

"I'm thirsty... Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you no! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"

Five minutes later: "Daaaa-aaaaad..."

"What??!!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

 

 

 

 

"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

"Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine..."

 

 

 

 

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grownup and say, "There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer," or "That's Michael. He's a doctor."

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."’’’

 

 

 

 

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"

"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."

The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."

 

 

 

 

Four-year-old Mitch loved candy almost as much as his mom Ann did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A few days later Mitch was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"

"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."

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5 Amazing Double Meaning Jokes

Son: I Don't Want To Go School Ma!
All The Teachers Think I Am Stupid
&
The Kids Hate Me.

..
Mom:No!
U Should Go, Bcoz U R The
.
.
.
"Principal"



Man to motel desk clerk:How much for room.
Clerk:depends on room size
Man:Do you take children?
Clerk:No, sir,only cash and credit cards.




Diagram in a book was not clear..
So,madam drew a diagram on a Blackboard and announced
.
"Dont look at a book Figure,
Look at my Figure!!"




What Is The Biggest Benefit
Of Having Girlfriend In The
Same College Or School
Where You Study?
.
.
.
.
.
100% Attendance ...




Hw fast cn u guess d wrds?
1.BOO_S
2._ _NDOM
3.F_ _ K
4.P_ N_S
5.PU_S_
6.S_X
Ans
1.BOOKS
2.RANDOM
3.FORK
4.PANTS
5.PULSE
6.SIX
U Got ALL 6 Wrong Didn't u?
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5 Best WhatsApp Hinglish Jokes

Teacher: Agar Tum tumari GF Ko 500 Do, aur Usko sirf 200 Ki Zarurat Ho To, Wo Kitne Wapas Degi ??..
Student: Kuchh Bhi Nahi…
Teacher: Kya Tum Itni si bhi Maths Nahi Jante ??
Student: Sir, Aap meri gf Ko Nai Jante!!




Ek ladka aur Ek Ladki ek dusre se bahut pyaar karte the…
Lekin ek din Ladki ke baap ko pata chal gaya, usne gusse mein Bijli se chalne wali aari ko, ladke ki Gardan par rakha diya.
Wo aari ladke ki gardan ko kaatne hi wali thi ki achanak light chali gayi…
Aur paas mein khadi ladki chillayi..
Agar Sachcha hai Aapka Pyaar
To Sath Hai Dilli Sarkar!!



eacher ne Pappu se puchha: Beta tumhari umra kya hai?
Pappu: Ghar me 7 saal, School mein 5 saal aur railgaari me 3 saal




Air hostess to Pathan: What will you have sir?
Pathan : Wallah, hamare liye Taveez wala chai laao
Air Hostess: Abbe Afghanistan ke Chapad-Ganju! Woh Taveez nahi tea-bag hai!!




Nurse: Mubarak ho, Aapko teen bachche hue hain..
Santa: Yeh to hona hi tha, Filmein hi aisi dekhti thi.. Dhoom 3, Golmaal 3, Murder 3, Krissh 3…!
Nurse: Achcha hua, Delhi 6 nahin dekhi!!
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Husband Wife Funny Sms Jokes

Husband sent a text to his wife at night,
“Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.”
He sent another text,


“And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary
at the end of the month I’m getting you a new car”
She text back, “OMG really?”
Husband replied,

“No, I just wanted to make sure you got my first message”.
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5 Funny Shayari in Hinglish Style

Raat Ko Kitab Meri Mujhe Dekhti Rahi
Neend Mujhe Apni Aur Khichti Rahi
Neend Ka Jhonka Mera Man Moh Gaya
Aur Ek Raat Phir Ye Genius Bina Padhey So Gaya…



Arz kiya hai…

Class mein master ji sharaab liye baithe hain…
Wah wah…
Class mein master ji sharaab liye baithe hain
.
Aur
.
Aur kya…
.
Aur bachche saale itne haraami, Glass liye baithe hain





Patni upwas rakhati hai, jab hota hai karva chauth
Wah wah
Patni upwas rakhati hai, jab hota hai karva chauth
.
.
.
ACP Pradyuman kehta hai, tumein hogi SAZA-e-MAUT!




Barsaat Hui Aur Bheeg Gaye Hum,
wah wah…. wah wah
Barsaat Hui Aur Bheeg Gaye Hum,
Rajnikanth Ne Phoonk Maari Aur Sukh Gaye Hum.



Arz Kiya Hai Ki… Aapki Ismile Ne Saara Jahan Heela Diya
.
Aapki Ismile Ne Saara Jahan Heela Diya
Koma Se Jagey Mareez Ko Permanent Sula Diya…
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5 Romantic poems pictures for Her

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college student Excuse funny

A college student writes to his parents...
"Dear Mom and Dad,
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my
body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son,

P.S. I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late."
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,



"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never arrived!
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Husband Store Funny Joke

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
"You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!"
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the Sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the "Husband Store."
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5 Best Romantic Love Pictures Messages Quotes & Sayings

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5 funny Facebook jokes

Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.


Facebook is like a fridge.
Even when u know there's nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.




Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.



Google+ is the gym of social networking.
We all join, but nobody actually uses it.



We love Facebook but we hate the face of book.
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4 Best Money jokes

Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have?
I would have five dollars...
You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny...
You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...






A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live.
Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order.
"Oh yes, I've done that," said the old gentleman.
"I've only got to make a will.
And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money?
I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life."




Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.
"You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.
Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate.
You give the money to charity."




Why are men like bank accounts?
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest!
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5 Funny Little Johnny Jokes

Little Johnny says to his mother "Mommy, I have to go and tinkle."
The mother replies back "Would you like Mommy to take you?".
Little Johnny says "No, let grandma... her hand shakes!"





The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his.  It began, "My daddy fell in well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."




Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days.  Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"




A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven.
At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest.
"Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.




The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months."
Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."
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3 Insurance Jokes

Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?
A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
This customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
Q: What warning was given by you?
A: Horn
Q: What warning was given by the other party?
A: Moo




A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?"
"I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?"




An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer.
"Look at it this way," he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die?"
"Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon that'd be any concern of mine - long as she behaves herself while I'm alive."
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Love STORY OF ENGINEER

Love STORY OF ENGINEER:
I was in 12th
She was in 12th
I got B.Tech
She got BBA
I was doing B.Tech
She got MBA
I was preparing 4 M.TECH entrance
She got married
I m doing M.TECH
She's d mother of 2 children
I got PH.D
Her daughter is in 1st stndrd,
I became DOCTRATE
Hr daughter passed 10th,
I hav joined job.
Hr Daughter joined College.
The Greatest irony-
.
.
Today is my ENGAGEMENT
&Her daughter is my WIFE
.
Agle Janam Salaa ARTS hi Lunga.
East or west Arts is d best...

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5 Best Engineers Sms

Engineering Fact:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Behind every SUCCESSFUL ENGINEER there are many UNSUCCESSFUL YEARS...

 

 

 

 

5 signs to be an Engineering student student

1. Jo samajh na aaye.... Declare it out of course..

2. Har semester ke end mein ye elaan karna ke agla semester start hote hi padhna hai..

3. Apna cell off kar ke padhna aur 5-5 minute baad on kar ke dekhna ki koi msg to nhi aaya??

4. Group study ke dauran baar-baar ye kahna ke 'ab kisi ne koi bakwaas ki to gaaliya khayega'

5. Padhne se pehle pages count karna aur phir "chor yaar ab mood nhi hora Kall se pakkkaa padhai shuruuu..

 

 

 

 

4 Years,
40 Subjects,
400 Experiments,
4000 Assignments,
40000 hours

A normal human being CANNOT do it. Those super heroes are called 'ENGINEERING STUDENTS'

Happy Engineers Day

 

 

 

 

 

"Can u prov papa=mama?"
IAS-Imposible!
Doctor-No!

Engineers start solving-
f=ma
p.a=ma
On squaring,
pa.pa=ma.ma

 

 

If Electrical Engineers make Hindi films, The names will be like this
*Current Ho Na Ho*
*Jaanam Supply karo*
*Circuit wale Inductor Lejayenge*
*Kabhi AC Kabhi DC*
*Hamara IC Aap ke Paas He*
*Fuse Lagaya to Darna Kya*
*Capacitor No.1*
*Hum Signal De Chuke Sanam*
*Fuse To Udna Hi Tha*

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Arranged Marriage and Love Marriage

Arranged Marriage -
Rs.6,00,000 Shadi
Rs.4,00,000 jewellry
Rs.50,000 Shadi ki Rasme
Total- Rs.10,50,000

 

 

 

Love Marriage -
Rs.100 ka Stamp paper
Rs.20 Notary
Rs.50 ki Varmaala
Rs.20 ka Photo
Total- Rs.190
......
"Paisa Aapka
Pasand Aapki
Faisla Aapka"

Jaago grahak jago,
Lover ke saath bhago!!

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Wife husband and diamond bracelet

Wife to husband(angrily): "Where the hell are you so late at night!!"
Husband: "Darling! Do you remember that mall where you saw a diamond bracelet and felt in luv with it & I did not have money at that time but I told
you that'Baby! It will be all yours one day!' ?
Wife(tone changed): "Yes my love! I remember!"
.
.
.
.
.
Husband: "I am in a bar just opposite to that shop!:P:P"
Wife hung up the phone
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Logistics and Organization Funny Student

After having failed his exam in Logistics and Organization, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student, “Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”

Professor, “Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”

Student, “Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an ‘A’ for the exam.”

Professor, “Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”

Student: “What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?”

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an ‘A’, as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers, “Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an ‘A’, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.”

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5 Best Animals Funny Jokes

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.
A passer by who’d seen everything remarked: “That’s very tolerant of you after what he just did.”
“Not really,” came the reply. “I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him.”



A lady from the city and her traveling companion were riding the train through Vermont when she noticed some cows.
"What a cute bunch of cows!" she remarked.
"Not a bunch, herd", her friend replied.
"Heard of what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Of course I've heard of cows."
"No, a cow herd."
"What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets to keep from a cow!"


A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a frog sitting next to him.
"Are you a frog?" asked the man, surprised.
"Yes."
"What are you doing at the movies?"
The frog replied, "Well, I liked the book."



Two cows were out in a field eating grass.
One cow turns to the other cow and says, "Moooooo!"
"Hey", the other cow replies.... "I was just about to say the same thing!


A man and his pet kangaroo walk into a bar. It's about 5pm, but they're ready for a good night of drinking.
They start off slowly, watching TV, drinking beer, eating peanuts. As the night goes on they move to mixed drinks, and then shooters, one after the other.
Finally, the bartender says: "Last call."
So, the man says, "One more for me... and one more for my kangaroo."
The bartender sets them up and they shoot them back. Suddenly, the kangaroo falls over dead.
The man throws some money on the bar, puts on his coat and starts to leave.
The bartender, yells: "Hey buddy, you can't just leave that lyin' there."
To which the man replies: "That's not a lion, that's a kangaroo."
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The morning of life and of day

With affection and learning,

The time of adoration and rose are one,

Till one is red, different is carried out,

The magnificence of affection can remain solitary,

To propose your life, and back your bone

The complete magnificence, the rose additions,

In adolescence with parental morning beauty,

The affection genes into all of us,

Recently need to rewind for beginning spot,

The morning of life and of day,

Is filled in adoration with this say,

Deal this adoration, for what you need,

What’s more you discover, that you can’t,

The gem of brilliant ring, when captivates with jewel of adoration,

Sparkles under the most favorable conditions and sing, the tune of bliss n prepared to serve.

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