Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
5 Funny Kid Jokes
A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later: "Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out!"
Five minutes later: "Da-aaad..."
"What??"
"I'm thirsty... Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you no! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later: "Daaaa-aaaaad..."
"What??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
"Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine..."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grownup and say, "There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer," or "That's Michael. He's a doctor."
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."’’’
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
Four-year-old Mitch loved candy almost as much as his mom Ann did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A few days later Mitch was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"
"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."
Source URL: https://ampledreams.blogspot.com/search/label/FunnyVisit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
5 Amazing Double Meaning Jokes
Son: I Don't Want To Go School Ma!
All The Teachers Think I Am Stupid
&
The Kids Hate Me.
..
Mom:No!
U Should Go, Bcoz U R The
.
.
.
"Principal"
Man to motel desk clerk:How much for room.
Clerk:depends on room size
Man:Do you take children?
Clerk:No, sir,only cash and credit cards.
Diagram in a book was not clear..
So,madam drew a diagram on a Blackboard and announced
.
"Dont look at a book Figure,
Look at my Figure!!"
What Is The Biggest Benefit
Of Having Girlfriend In The
Same College Or School
Where You Study?
.
.
.
.
.
100% Attendance ...
Hw fast cn u guess d wrds?
1.BOO_S
2._ _NDOM
3.F_ _ K
4.P_ N_S
5.PU_S_
6.S_X
Ans
1.BOOKS
2.RANDOM
3.FORK
4.PANTS
5.PULSE
6.SIX
U Got ALL 6 Wrong Didn't u?
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
5 Best WhatsApp Hinglish Jokes
Teacher: Agar Tum tumari GF Ko 500 Do, aur Usko sirf 200 Ki Zarurat Ho To, Wo Kitne Wapas Degi ??..
Student: Kuchh Bhi Nahi…
Teacher: Kya Tum Itni si bhi Maths Nahi Jante ??
Student: Sir, Aap meri gf Ko Nai Jante!!
Ek ladka aur Ek Ladki ek dusre se bahut pyaar karte the…
Lekin ek din Ladki ke baap ko pata chal gaya, usne gusse mein Bijli se chalne wali aari ko, ladke ki Gardan par rakha diya.
Wo aari ladke ki gardan ko kaatne hi wali thi ki achanak light chali gayi…
Aur paas mein khadi ladki chillayi..
Agar Sachcha hai Aapka Pyaar
To Sath Hai Dilli Sarkar!!
eacher ne Pappu se puchha: Beta tumhari umra kya hai?
Pappu: Ghar me 7 saal, School mein 5 saal aur railgaari me 3 saal
Air hostess to Pathan: What will you have sir?
Pathan : Wallah, hamare liye Taveez wala chai laao
Air Hostess: Abbe Afghanistan ke Chapad-Ganju! Woh Taveez nahi tea-bag hai!!
Nurse: Mubarak ho, Aapko teen bachche hue hain..
Santa: Yeh to hona hi tha, Filmein hi aisi dekhti thi.. Dhoom 3, Golmaal 3, Murder 3, Krissh 3…!
Nurse: Achcha hua, Delhi 6 nahin dekhi!!
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
Husband Wife Funny Sms Jokes
Husband sent a text to his wife at night,
“Hi I will get late, please try and wash all my dirty clothes
and make sure you prepare my favorite dish before I return.”
He sent another text,
“And I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary
at the end of the month I’m getting you a new car”
She text back, “OMG really?”
Husband replied,
“No, I just wanted to make sure you got my first message”.
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
Wife hearing funny story
A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to
discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
Here’s what you do,” said the Doctor, “stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response.”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”
Then in a normal tone he asks, ‘Honey, what’s for dinner?”
No response.
So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Again he gets no response so,
He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
.
.
.
.
.
“Smith, for the FIFTH time I’ve said, CHICKEN!”
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
5 Funny Shayari in Hinglish Style
Raat Ko Kitab Meri Mujhe Dekhti Rahi
Neend Mujhe Apni Aur Khichti Rahi
Neend Ka Jhonka Mera Man Moh Gaya
Aur Ek Raat Phir Ye Genius Bina Padhey So Gaya…
Arz kiya hai…
Class mein master ji sharaab liye baithe hain…
Wah wah…
Class mein master ji sharaab liye baithe hain
.
Aur
.
Aur kya…
.
Aur bachche saale itne haraami, Glass liye baithe hain
Patni upwas rakhati hai, jab hota hai karva chauth
Wah wah
Patni upwas rakhati hai, jab hota hai karva chauth
.
.
.
ACP Pradyuman kehta hai, tumein hogi SAZA-e-MAUT!
Barsaat Hui Aur Bheeg Gaye Hum,
wah wah…. wah wah
Barsaat Hui Aur Bheeg Gaye Hum,
Rajnikanth Ne Phoonk Maari Aur Sukh Gaye Hum.
Arz Kiya Hai Ki… Aapki Ismile Ne Saara Jahan Heela Diya
.
Aapki Ismile Ne Saara Jahan Heela Diya
Koma Se Jagey Mareez Ko Permanent Sula Diya…
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
5 Best Cartoon Pictures for children
Source URL: https://ampledreams.blogspot.com/search/label/Funny
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
college student Excuse funny
A college student writes to his parents...
"Dear Mom and Dad,
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my
body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son,
P.S. I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late."
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never arrived!
Source URL: https://ampledreams.blogspot.com/search/label/Funny"Dear Mom and Dad,
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my
body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.
Your son,
P.S. I felt so terrible, I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late."
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said,
"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never arrived!
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
Husband Store Funny Joke
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
"You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may
choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!"
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the Sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the "Husband Store."
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
Bitter Divorce Funny JOKE
It was a bitter divorce, after four years of marriage and two children it was over. Sam showed up in court together with his ex to see what the verdict would be. Finally after a long court
case the verdict was decided. “Ok”, said the judge, turning to Sam, “I am rewarding your ex-wife Ann $470 dollars a month.” “That’s really kind of you, and I really appreciate it” said Sam “I’ll try to send her a little bit from time to time myself.”
Source URL: https://ampledreams.blogspot.com/search/label/Funnycase the verdict was decided. “Ok”, said the judge, turning to Sam, “I am rewarding your ex-wife Ann $470 dollars a month.” “That’s really kind of you, and I really appreciate it” said Sam “I’ll try to send her a little bit from time to time myself.”
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
5 funny Facebook jokes
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Facebook is like a fridge.
Even when u know there's nothing new going on, u still go on & check it every 10 minute.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
Google+ is the gym of social networking.
We all join, but nobody actually uses it.
We love Facebook but we hate the face of book.
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
4 Best Money jokes
Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have?
I would have five dollars...
You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny...
You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live.
Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order.
"Oh yes, I've done that," said the old gentleman.
"I've only got to make a will.
And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money?
I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life."
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate.
"You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl.
Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate.
You give the money to charity."
Why are men like bank accounts?
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest!
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
5 Funny Little Johnny Jokes
Little Johnny says to his mother "Mommy, I have to go and tinkle."
The mother replies back "Would you like Mommy to take you?".
Little Johnny says "No, let grandma... her hand shakes!"
The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week.
Little Johnny got up to read his. It began, "My daddy fell in well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"
A priest was talking to a group of kids about "being good" and going to heaven.
At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven! Heaven!" Yelled Little Lisa.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the priest.
"Dead!" Yelled Little Johnny.
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months."
Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
3 Insurance Jokes
Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?
A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.
This customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
Q: What warning was given by you?
A: Horn
Q: What warning was given by the other party?
A: Moo
A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?"
"I've got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that the same thing?"
An insurance salesman was getting nowhere in his efforts to sell a policy to a farmer.
"Look at it this way," he said finally. "How would your wife carry on if you should die?"
"Well..." drawled the weather-beaten man, "I don't reckon that'd be any concern of mine - long as she behaves herself while I'm alive."
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
What wives say and what Husband Hear
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
Even Walls have ears amazing but true fact
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
Old women Fart and Doctor
An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than twenty times. What can I do?"
"Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day for seven days and come back and see me in a week."
Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doctor, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Calm down, Mrs. Harris," said the doctor soothingly. "Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing!!!"
Source URL: https://ampledreams.blogspot.com/search/label/FunnyVisit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
Love STORY OF ENGINEER
Love STORY OF ENGINEER:
I was in 12th
She was in 12th
I got B.Tech
She got BBA
I was doing B.Tech
She got MBA
I was preparing 4 M.TECH entrance
She got married
I m doing M.TECH
She's d mother of 2 children
I got PH.D
Her daughter is in 1st stndrd,
I became DOCTRATE
Hr daughter passed 10th,
I hav joined job.
Hr Daughter joined College.
The Greatest irony-
.
.
Today is my ENGAGEMENT
&Her daughter is my WIFE
.
Agle Janam Salaa ARTS hi Lunga.
East or west Arts is d best...
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
Arranged Marriage and Love Marriage
Arranged Marriage -
Rs.6,00,000 Shadi
Rs.4,00,000 jewellry
Rs.50,000 Shadi ki Rasme
Total- Rs.10,50,000
Love Marriage -
Rs.100 ka Stamp paper
Rs.20 Notary
Rs.50 ki Varmaala
Rs.20 ka Photo
Total- Rs.190
......
"Paisa Aapka
Pasand Aapki
Faisla Aapka"
Jaago grahak jago,
Lover ke saath bhago!!
Visit ampledreams for Daily Updated Cars Collection
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Popular Posts
-
Learning to become hacker is not as easy as learning to become a software developer. I realized this when I started looking for learning res... -
Here we come with a awesome game for you that you play on your android phone.Dead Trigger 2 IS action based zombi shooter game . Dead Trig...
