A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later: "Da-ad..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out!"
Five minutes later: "Da-aaad..."
"What??"
"I'm thirsty... Can I have a drink of water??"
"I told you no! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
Five minutes later: "Daaaa-aaaaad..."
"What??!!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"
"Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
"Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine..."
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grownup and say, "There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer," or "That's Michael. He's a doctor."
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."’’’
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was doing, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your fucking cat."
Four-year-old Mitch loved candy almost as much as his mom Ann did. He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day. A few days later Mitch was eyeing it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand?"
"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head. Suddenly his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy. "Now I can eat them all."
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